Hope

So lately I have been 'Little Miss Debbie Downer'...and people have begun to notice the way my eyes arent as Sparkly and how my overall demeanor is somewhat unpleasant. Well for all of you that have noticed, I am sorry. I find that i have been a little hope-less for the past couple of weeks and maybe even months. This very subtle change has been brought on by a couple of things...possibly boys, definitely money, not necessarily school...I was talking with Colin about it and he said that I need to find a new goal to fulfill, a new purpose...something new to do with my time. After spending a couple of weeks roaming aimlessly around my apartment I have decided to take up his advice. It is possible that I am supposed to learn some all important lesson from this experience, so I am going to try and figure out what that is.

So now I am looking for that thing that will give me a little more meaning to my very meaningful life. I think I am going to start by completing a very serious study of the Book of Mormon. Last time I did that I found that my days were more fulfilling and I slept better at night. I was also able to find a job that I found enjoyable...maybe working is not my first priority at this time...I need to really discover who I am...and this is a great chance for me to do just that!

Another reason for my state of 'blue' (silly but true) is that over 5 of my very close friends have gotten engaged in the past month or so. I am ecstatic for each and every one of them, and I wish them every happiness in the world!! I love seeing my friends happy and I know for many of them their dreams are truly come true...

I have to admit that it is hard for a woman, like me, to see others getting married. Only because it is something that is so expected of women my age...which is very ridiculous because I am only 20 years old...I have so much that I could accomplish with my life before settling down with 'mr.right' and having a plethora of bouncing babies that fulfill that longing in my heart. Provo Utah does put alot of pressure on girls and guys alike to get hitched and start repopulating the earth.

I have been feeling recently that I am unloveable, unattractive, and just plain unwanted. YES...that is right. 'Silly Maria, how could you think that? You are a great girl!' I know thats what you are all thinking...well thanks alot, but after spending 20 years alone I feel ready to make that leap into the unknown, uncharted world of love. maybe someday.

After shooting a text to my wise older brother Brandon, he sent back this..."Things will work out! Heavenly Father just is setting you up with the best options. As soon as the time is right you'll know. Read Preach My Gospel...Chapter 6...Hope...

Here is what that says...

Hope

"Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance. It is believing and expecting that something will occur. When you have Hope, You work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement. The scriptures often describe Hope in Jesus Christ as the assurance that you will inherit eternal life in the celestial kingdom. President James E. Faust taught: 'Hope is the anchor of our souls...Hope is trust in GOd's promises, faith that if we act now, the desired blessings will be fulfilled in the future...The unfailing source of our hope is that we are sons and daughters of GOd and that His SOn, the Lord Jesus Christ, saved us from death."

"Being blessed with hope, let us, as disciples, reach out to all who, for whatever reason, have moved away from the hope of the Gospel. Let us reach to lift hands which hang hopelessly down." -Elder Neal A. Maxwell

SO what i gleaned form this excellent source of knowledge and power is that if I have Hope in Christ all things are possible and ALL things will work out! I have always known that, but it is always good to be reminded. REminded that no matter what happens we have a HEavenly Father who loves us and cares for each and every one of us! I am very grateful for this knowledge in my life!!

Now that I have done a little venting I am going to jump on the ball and get to work!! I am going to find that new meaning to my life and I am going to fulfill it and become engulfed in it! Ill keep you posted!