Hope

So lately I have been 'Little Miss Debbie Downer'...and people have begun to notice the way my eyes arent as Sparkly and how my overall demeanor is somewhat unpleasant. Well for all of you that have noticed, I am sorry. I find that i have been a little hope-less for the past couple of weeks and maybe even months. This very subtle change has been brought on by a couple of things...possibly boys, definitely money, not necessarily school...I was talking with Colin about it and he said that I need to find a new goal to fulfill, a new purpose...something new to do with my time. After spending a couple of weeks roaming aimlessly around my apartment I have decided to take up his advice. It is possible that I am supposed to learn some all important lesson from this experience, so I am going to try and figure out what that is.

So now I am looking for that thing that will give me a little more meaning to my very meaningful life. I think I am going to start by completing a very serious study of the Book of Mormon. Last time I did that I found that my days were more fulfilling and I slept better at night. I was also able to find a job that I found enjoyable...maybe working is not my first priority at this time...I need to really discover who I am...and this is a great chance for me to do just that!

Another reason for my state of 'blue' (silly but true) is that over 5 of my very close friends have gotten engaged in the past month or so. I am ecstatic for each and every one of them, and I wish them every happiness in the world!! I love seeing my friends happy and I know for many of them their dreams are truly come true...

I have to admit that it is hard for a woman, like me, to see others getting married. Only because it is something that is so expected of women my age...which is very ridiculous because I am only 20 years old...I have so much that I could accomplish with my life before settling down with 'mr.right' and having a plethora of bouncing babies that fulfill that longing in my heart. Provo Utah does put alot of pressure on girls and guys alike to get hitched and start repopulating the earth.

I have been feeling recently that I am unloveable, unattractive, and just plain unwanted. YES...that is right. 'Silly Maria, how could you think that? You are a great girl!' I know thats what you are all thinking...well thanks alot, but after spending 20 years alone I feel ready to make that leap into the unknown, uncharted world of love. maybe someday.

After shooting a text to my wise older brother Brandon, he sent back this..."Things will work out! Heavenly Father just is setting you up with the best options. As soon as the time is right you'll know. Read Preach My Gospel...Chapter 6...Hope...

Here is what that says...

Hope

"Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance. It is believing and expecting that something will occur. When you have Hope, You work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement. The scriptures often describe Hope in Jesus Christ as the assurance that you will inherit eternal life in the celestial kingdom. President James E. Faust taught: 'Hope is the anchor of our souls...Hope is trust in GOd's promises, faith that if we act now, the desired blessings will be fulfilled in the future...The unfailing source of our hope is that we are sons and daughters of GOd and that His SOn, the Lord Jesus Christ, saved us from death."

"Being blessed with hope, let us, as disciples, reach out to all who, for whatever reason, have moved away from the hope of the Gospel. Let us reach to lift hands which hang hopelessly down." -Elder Neal A. Maxwell

SO what i gleaned form this excellent source of knowledge and power is that if I have Hope in Christ all things are possible and ALL things will work out! I have always known that, but it is always good to be reminded. REminded that no matter what happens we have a HEavenly Father who loves us and cares for each and every one of us! I am very grateful for this knowledge in my life!!

Now that I have done a little venting I am going to jump on the ball and get to work!! I am going to find that new meaning to my life and I am going to fulfill it and become engulfed in it! Ill keep you posted!

christmas cheer...

so i want a christmas tree...christmas lights...mistletoe...constant christmas carols...festive-ly decorated sugar cookies...my apartment is void of such festivities...which super sucks because i am spending the holiday here in provo...gah...alone at christmas...i can think of no better way to spend the holidays...sorry about the down-in-the-dumps attitude...provo is makin me blue...

Simon Peter

Simon Peter

President Kimball relays so beautifully in his talk Peter, My Brother The important role that Peter played in the early church. Not only was he the first apostle chosen, but he was also the prophet and leader of the church after Christ had been crucified. Many people think of Peter as a traitor of Christ, because his faith waivered when Jesus was being trialed, but if we had been in the same situation what would our reactions have been. President Kimball states so perfectly, “Peter was a man of faith. He healed the sick by their merely passing through his shadow. Prison walls could not hold him. Because of him, the dead came back to life. He walked upon the water. Though this was not a total triumph, has any other human succeeded? Let any who would scoff at Peter’s momentary wavering try such a feat himself.” President Kimball is correct, we are not ones to judge the life of Peter. He who went through so many things to follow the Savior without question, to be the leader of the church, to be scorned and ridiculed. “He was full of faith, from the day he left his nets to follow Jesus, he never turned back to them again.” There are so many things, some mentioned before, that he did during his life and even after. He taught the Prophet Joseph Smith, and helped to bring to pass the restoration of the gospel during these the fullness of times. We owe much to the memory and to the man Peter!

If I could do something to be more like Him I would definitely exercise my faith and share my testimony with all those around me. Peter had such great faith to do all things, and such a brave heart to testify of Christ. I feel that it is up to us, as his brother and sisters in the gospel, to follow his amazing example and share our testimonies with all those around us. Doing so will help to build the kingdom of God here upon the earth and there is no greater joy than that.

Just as President Kimball said, I am proud to call Simon Peter my brother. He has done so much for us in these latter days that we would surely be ungrateful if we didn’t recognize his hands in the bringing to pass of the gospel!

The Holy Ghost

THE HOLY GHOST

- The Savior taught here that the Holy Ghost is the Comforter and to receive the Holy Ghost the apostles of the Savior must love one another.

- Not only is the Holy Ghost a Comforter, He is also a teacher. He comes through peace and pondering upon things we have been taught.

-The Holy Ghost is also a testifier of Jesus Christ, when we share our testimonies with others He also testifies unto them.

-The Holy Ghost also works as a repellant of sin, judgment, and righteousness.

-The Holy Ghost is the spirit of truth, He glorifies the Father and the Son, and shows us the truthfulness of their church.

-The Holy Ghost essentially is the witness of the Father and the Son to those who earnestly seek to know them. He expounds our understanding, deepens our love of God and enhances the natural man and makes him more like the God he is meant to become. The holy Ghost brings man to his fullest potential.

The Holy Ghost help the apostles fulfill their missions after the Saviors Death and resurrection by testifying and touching the hearts of men on the earth at that time. He enhanced the apostles faith and power while teaching and preaching unto others.

The Holy Ghost has been my constant companion since I turned 8 and was baptized. The gift of the Holy Ghost has certainly been helpful and instructive to me the past 12 years of my life and I know that He will continue to be through my faith and worthiness until the end. There have been many times in my life when I was instructed and taught be the Holy Ghost. Or when I was led in a specific direction in life due to His subtle yet moving nudges. My faith has surely been strengthened by the Holy Ghost, each time I bear my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel and of the life of the Savior I feel His loving arms around me, and I feel the Spirit witness to me once again the truthfulness of all that I know.

A New Commandment...

John 13:34-35 "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."

While reading in the New Testament I came across this scripture. WE can show our love for God, our discipleship, by love others around us. What a great blessing for us in our time. What an easy admonition from the Savior, Love others as I have loved you. There are times when we are faced with adversity, and the way we chose to respond to that adversity really shows what kind of people we are. If we are living breathing disciples of Christ, or not. If someone around you were being ridiculed for their dress or way of speech, how would you act? What would you do? I recently read another blog that spoke of the Power of One. There is so much that we can do all by ourselves. Much of that relies on how we would act in these kind of situations. Would we offer a kind word and a reprimand for those who are teasing or would we walk on by. As a child I was given this opportunity. While on a bus to school, I was shocked to see boys a few seats in front of me teasing a special needs boy. The boy looked out the window and cried because there was nothing he could do about it. With all the muster and spitfire I had I reprimanded those boys and in one swift motion sat in the seat next to the special needs boy. I was teased and taunted, but the taunting was not even something that i remember, all I remember is that little boy looking at me and smiling. What a great feeling that was for me. So empowering and so humbling. I knew then deep down in my heart that I had amde a great decision in helping this boy.

Now what about in our day and age. many of us are active members of the church and therefore attend church regularly. If a new person comes into your ward or branch how do you treat them? do you welcome them and show them your love and appreciation or do you let them sit alone and wait for someone else to welcome them in. I was once on the receiving end, being new in a ward, and i was shocked to find that no one welcomed me. I attended the ward for over a month before I was even acknowledged. this was a very hard month for me. I was going through some hard personal times, and I was lacking frineds. I thought I would make some very soon in my ward, but it took about 3 months before I had even one friend in that ward. I can tell you from experience that I felt so small and so forgotten and looked over. Insignificance filled my soul and bitterness filled my heart. I made a pack with myself that day to always be welcoming to others int he ward, no matter who they were.

I guess what I am trying to point out is that being a disciple of Christ involves so much more than attending church, reading your scriptures, and praying. It involves serving others, loving others, making sure that others can see that Love of CHrist in your eyes and feel it when you talk to them. a question you could ask yourself is "Do people know I am a disciple of Christ by the way I treat them?" ponder this question, and act on it!! Do something for a family member, neighbor, or friend that shows them your love of Christ!!

Prep Yourself...Wise or Foolish!?

While reading through Mark 13 I found that the Savior gives us counsel/warnings. What is suprising to me is the fact that many people ignore these warnings. in this chapter alone He offers 3 specific warnings for us, as His followers, to heed before He comes again. Warning #1: Dont be deceived. We had a big discussion about this in my New Testament Group this week, about the ways that you can avoid being deceived. One of those ways is to have a solid, sure fire, know-without-a-doubt testimonies, that shakes the people around you when you share it. So dont be deceived! Warning #2: Watch. The word 'watch' is stated many times throughout this chapter, and again I think that the Savior is trying to reiterate something to us that we havent quite gotten yet. He is coming wether we like it or not, and He is coming on His timetable, not on ours. WE need to be as the 5 wise virgins were and have our oil lamps ready and extra oil on hand for when the Bridegroom comes, I have a feeling in the very depth of my soul that it is going to be sooner than later that we all meet Him again! So...take heed and WATCH! Warning #3: Pray. There is only one way to stay close to friends and family and that is by spending time with them, by talking with them on a daily basis and coming up to speed in everything that going on in both your lives. WEll that is the same with our relationship with our Father in Heaven. WE must have a daily, honest, non-repetitive, sincere commune with Him, otherwise we lose track of who we are and where we are going. WE need that constant companion and knowledge in our lives that we are not alone. Prayer is the one way that we can keep that love alive. WE have a direct channel to God! LEts not waste it! PRAY!!

Throughout the scriptures we are encouraged and exhorted to prepare ourselves for the Second Coming of the SAvior. D&C 87:8 States that we need to 'Stand in Holy Places, and be not moved, until the day of the Lord comes.' Joseph Smith-Matthew states that in order to not be deceived we need to 'treasure up His word' and again we are exhorted to WATCH, for we do not know when the day of the Lord will come. WE need to be ready, for when that day is here, the days of preparation will be over! D&C 33:17 also states that we be ready and have our lamps trimmed and filled for the day of the Lord. That we pray always, and be faithful in all things! Preparation is the key to success, without it we will be lost at the Great and Terrible day of the Lord!!!

Marriage For Eternity

The Sadducees are in err thinking that there is no resurrection. They also believe that God is the god of death, that living after this earthly life is not possible. They do not believe in angels or in the Spirit. From this we can see that the Sadducees only asked questions of the Savior to vex Him and to catch Him in error. (which of course did not happen) The Sadducees were never really searching out the truth from the Savior, they just wanted to discredit Him.

I think what is meant by Matthew 22:30 is that there will be no more marriages after the resurrection in the temporal world nor in Eternity for those who were not bound eternally in the temporal world. Things will be as they were when Jesus comes again, those who are married for time and not for eternity will not have the blessings of being married eternally in the next life. Those things that are bound in earth, by the right authority, are bound in heaven. This we know for certain.

“In the resurrection there will be no marrying nor given in marriage; for all questions of marital status must be settled before that time, under the authority of the Holy Priesthood, which holds the power to seal in marriage for both time and eternity.” ---James E. Talmage

D&C 132:15-16 describes in full the glory that will come to those who marry only for time while on this earth. Their eternal lives will be spent as angel of God, ministering servants to those who are the chosen elect of God.

How blessed I am to know the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that I can be eternally sealed to the man of my choice and that we can be together for eternity, by loving lives unto the Lord. Hot dang I cant wait until we find each other! Eternity would be lonely without my other half!

Parables

Luke 16:1-12 THe parable of the Unjust Steward. Here the Lord commends those of this generation who are wiser than the children of the world.

Luke 16:19-31 The parable of the Rich man and Lazarus. Charity never faileth. We learn here that charity is one of the main virtues that will get us into the Kingdom of God. Becoming more like God is the purpose of this life, not making our fortune. WE cannot take our fortune with us, but we can take the knowledge that we did well in the sight of the Lord.

Luke 17:11-19 The Ten Lepers. Faith, faith is the main ingredient to make a miracle. There were many people throughout the Bible that had faith. It is no coincidence that Jesus, upon healing the Ten Lepers, asked them to show themselves to the priests. They who had leprosy on their hearts you could say. Many of them did not believe in the power and authority of Jesus Chirst, and such was their downfall. The one man who turned and thanked GOd will for sure be blessed in his next life for his complete and utter faith and gratitude in Jesus Christ.

Luke 18:1-8 Parable of the Unjust Judge. GOd will always ALWAYS always remember the righteous. WE may feel that He is ignorant of our pain and grief, but He is always with us. SHowering us with His glory and comfort. SO is His eye on those who are unrighteous!

Luke 18:9-14 The Pharisee and the Publican. Those who are humble will be exalted over those who are proud.

CHrist's Instruction to the Seventy

Luke 10-14

Christ gave inspired counsel to those who were chosen and called of Him to be Seventy's. He first counsels them to pray so that the people they meet will be ready to hear their message. This is a key principle to follow, if the people arent ready the message won't be received. CHrist also counsels his seventy to speak eloquently, to bless the household before entering and treat all with respect and admiration. The seventy are told to heal the sick, and to clean the cities as they work through them. To heal and preach in every city they were in. They were also counseled to call people to repentance.

Our church is built after that of the primitive church. There were missionaries that taught two by two in Jesus' time as there are now. There was a first presidency and a quorum of 12 apostles. Back then the church was led by Jesus Christ as it is today. The organization is set up the same and will not be changed.

The office of the seventy is a sacred calling of apostolic worth and duty, those in the seventy are called to be special witnesses of Jesus Christ and to travel and to preach abroad, just as in days of old.

Faith, Prayer, Fasting

Matthew 17:14-21 In these scriptures the Savior taught the disciples three things they needed to do in order to heal others. Those three things were faith, prayer, and fasting. Many of the disciples did not have the faith necessary to heal others. This lack of faith also led to other things they were unable to do, like confess the Lords hand in all things, stand up for Christ, or continue to preach His word. Prayer was something they also struggled with, putting their lives into their own hands and not into Gods. The disciples also lacked the humility to fast. Fasting is something that humbles us and brings us closer to God, which in turn can give us the power to do miracles in His name.

3 Nephi 18:20 Also states that with the faith to call on the Lord we can have all things we ask for in righteousness.

D&C 50:29 States that with prayer, faith and purity of heart we can have the power to preform miracles as well.

D&C 42:48 States that thru faith in the Lord Jesus Christ we can do anything.

Basically, through faith we can do anything. Through fasting we can receive the strength we need to succeed in this life. And through prayer we can have a constant channel to God, so that we are never alone.

HE walked on Water!!!

I find it interesting that when the disciples of Jesus first saw him walking on water they were 'troubled' even fearful that He was a spirit of some kind. Peter responded to the Lords voice by commanding Him to show Himself and prove it was Him. You would think that Peter would know his Masters voice. When invited to walk on the water Peter took those first few steps through faith, then partway to the Savior he bagan to sink fearing for his life. Ironic that later on Peter would lack faith and deny Christ 3 times before gaining the faith to continue on. When he began to sink he cried out and reached for the Saviors hand, only to be pulled up and rebuked fo rhis lack of faith. Jesus then asks "wherefore didst thou doubt?" when did you doubt? why did you doubt. Peter knowing all that Jesus was capable of doubted him in a crucial learning moment. If we do as is commanded in D&C 88:67 and keep an eye single to the glory of God then we will never lose faith and we will continue forever to be with Him and even gain exaltation in His sight. It is a simple request and commandment, keep an eye single to teh glory of God. It is a daily choice to choose to be of the world or of God. Each day we make those choices that draw us closer or farther away from Him and it is through those choices we aresaved or thrust down to hell. hate to be so outspoken but there it is!!

no work, tons of homework, and celine dion

sooooooooooo, i know i have been using this blog recently for my new testament class, but i figured i would blog for fun tonight cuz i have so much crap on my mind!!

1.) I have no idea what to choose for my major! it driving me crazy! i know i need to choose one pretty soon here before i cant change it, but i dont know what i want to do professionally! i have wanted so long to just be a wife and mother that i never really thought of getting a career. silly me!! i love art, history, cinemas, music, cooking, sewing, reading, speaking different languages, dancing, etc. my interest differ so much that i cant decide on one thing that i would really want to do with my life. its making me crazy!!

2.) I am dying to travel. i have wanted to travel ever since i can remember! i want to climb on the ruins of greece, dine in the streets of rome, sip hot cocoa in a cafe in paris, run with the bulls in spain! i want to d os o much and i just feel that i am being held back by that devil called MONEY...curse it!!

3.) I am still single...why should i care though....im only 20! im a youngin!!! gah i hate the pressure put on the youth in the church to get married so fast! i realize the importance of it all!! and i really want to get married, but i am going to take my time doing it!

4.) the financial aid people hate me! i have been fighting with the financial aid people for 3 months in order to get my financial aid. i have had very little word from them and the whole thing is a pain in the bootie! gah!

5.) i have the coolest roomies eva...its true you should be jealous! sisi and i have crazy good times eating out, hatin haters, and dieting. i ride a bike or a scooter while she runs, its easier that way because she is more in shape than i am and she can kick my royal butt running(that was one really long run on sentence eh ciara!?) abaha Chels is the most talented reheater of frozen dinners that i know. We are fo sho running buddies/watching movie buddies...

and of course jessie! she and her man are the cutest couple ever! i can barely handle their cuteness!! she is one of my most avid fans while i sing celine dion and shes a great bathroom sharer!!

6.) i love my job! working at victorias secret is sooooo much fun!! i have been there for just over a month now and i have already gotten a promotion! i am so blessed!!! i have great friends already that i work with and i just have so much fun!!! i love my manager she is hilarious and i must say that it is super empowering working in a place where allll the employees are women! hot dang!

7.) i miss my sisters! Brianna used to live literally 6 blocks from my house, now she lives forever away! it would take me 13 hours to get to her from here. oh the paint that separation brings! gah!! Hannah is the cutest thing ever! she won a blue ribbon in the lassen county fair for her painting! im so proud of her!!!

8.) my brother brandon is getting off his mission and i cant go visit him! i have to work during thanksgiving break and i wont be able to make it that way im so disappointed! i am still trying to get work off, maybe for the week after thanksgiving, but as of right now things are looking grim!

9.) i am really liking online school, but i think i need a study buddy! it is so hard just doing things on my own, i am not very motivated to get work done and that is a huge problem since online school is all up to me! i need to find a study buddy who can help me with homework and just encourage me to study my buns off!

10.) i LOVE CELINE DION! SHE IS AMAZING!!! WHEN I FEEL DOWN OR STRESSED OR WHATEVER I SING TO HER LOVELY VOICE!!!!

11.) general conference was amazing!!! I LOVED ALL THE TALKS AND BEING ABLE TO GO WAS SUCH AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE THAT I GOT TO SHARE WITH MY ROOMIES!

John's Love

John 3:30, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”

In this scripture John is describing his relationship with the Savior, saying that he always considers himself lower than the Savior. He loved the Savior so much that nothing was too good for Him. We must have this attitude in our lives of always making the Savior more important in our lives than ourselves. How else are we to get close to Him. For me it is through daily scripture study, constant prayer and pondering on the saviors life that truly humbles me and raises Him up to the God that He is. I think too many people take for granted the life that He lived while upon the Earth, the miracles He preformed, the overall sacrifice that He made for each and every one of us. We must remember to keep His sacrifice and greatest gift close to our hearts, to be humble and meek as He was.

The Twelve Apostles

Simon Peter: Chosen and called of Jesus to be one of the original twelve apostles. Denied Christ 3 times, as was prophesied, spent the rest of his life preaching until his own crucifixion.

Thomas: Chosen and Called of Jesus to be one of the original twelve apostles. Thomas means twin.

Judas Iscariot: Chosen and Called of Jesus to be one of the original twelve apostles. Jesus told Judas, who did not believe Him, that he would betray him. He betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver then hung himself.

Apostle: Meaning literally “one who is sent forth”. Those called of God to be His disciples on Earth during and after His ministry. Special witnesses of Jesus Christ throughout the world. The representation on earth of the Father in Heaven.

First Jesus told His apostles not to go to those who already had faith in him, “There is no need for a doctor for the healthy.”. He commanded them to go to the ‘Lost Sheep of Israel’, Those who no longer or who never knew the truth. He taught them to heal the sick and perform miracle sin the name of the Father so that people would believe on Jesus name. Jesus also taught them patience in dealing with the men of the world. He taught that there would be those who would reject them and despise them, but having faith in Him and charity towards all would demonstrate the most good. Service in the face of adversity is loved and admired of God and Jesus taught this to His disciples. Overall He taught them to be like Him, having charity and love towards all men.

When Jesus called the apostles Peter, James, and John they dropped everything that they were doing and followed him. There is nothing more simple than that very important action. What is stopping us in our lives from following our Savior? There should be nothing in our way, but constantly we find ourselves hesitating and second guessing. Our purpose in this life is to Follow Him, to become more like Him and to return to Him. We should use the example of Peter, James and John in our lives, Drop EVERYTHING and Follow Jesus Christ. Only through Him can we be saved and given eternal life.

The Baptism of Jesus Christ

The baptism of Christ was one of the most important things He could have done here on earth. I am amazed every time i read about His willingness and want to be baptized. When He approached John the Baptist and asked to be baptized John was Amazed, said he, "i have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me?" John felt that he was ill prepared and unworthy to baptize the Savior, the most perfect person in this planet. After John's willingness to serve the eyes of his understanding were opened and he saw the great importance of the baptism of the Savior. He also witnessed the Father proclaim, "THis is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." What great joy and complete peace must have filled John the Baptist upon hearing those sacred words. JOhn also witnessed the all too important fact that the Father , Son and the Holy Ghost are 3 separate beings, with 3 separate callings to fulfill.

The Holy Ghost then, "descended on Him like a dove...". This act was significant of the spirit and power of the Holy GHost that is given to each of us after baptism. I find it very symbolic that here in this scripture all members of the godhead were present to witness this sacred act. The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. It, in a way, completed the 'act' of His baptism and proved its importance in our lives.

There are FOur main reasons that Jesus was Baptized. First, to fulfill all righteousness. Second to prove the importance of obedience to the Father in all things. third to set the ultimate example for us to follow and fourth to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

John the Baptist

Many people overlook the important role that John the Baptist played in the life of the Savior and in our own lives. Sine before his birth John the Baptist was known as an elect child of God. In Luke 1:14 it was told to Zacharias, "And thou shalt have joy and gladness; and many shall rejoice at his birth.’ His birth and ministry was announced to his father Zacharias by the angel Gabriel. Zacharias knew that many people would herald the birth of his son, and that his son would bring much happiness to the children of men through his righteousness and faith in the Lord. His mother, the cousin of Mary mother of Jesus, was said to be barren though thru the mercies of God she begat John at about the same time the Mary Begat Jesus. John grew up unto God and at age 8 was given the GIft of the Holy Ghost and the power to know when the Holy Ghost would descend upon Jesus Christ. He was given the power to baptize and thus Baptized many people and then the Savior Himself. John was the first to see the Holy Ghost fall upon the Savior after baptism and was always a witness of the truthfulness of The Saviors Life. The bible dictionary states that, "...he was the last of the prophets under the law of Moses, He was the first of the New Testament prophets, and he brought the Aaronic Preisthood to the dispensation of the fulness of times." JOhn the Baptist was the way by which Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdry recieved the Aaronic priesthood, and therefore opened the Last Dispensation for the Fulness of TImes. HE is the way by which baptism was brought to this dispensation and his ministry filled his life to the very end. Therefor he fulfilled all the reasons why people would rejoice of his coming to this earth. he did so much for the Savior and for members of His true church.

day 1:vegan diet!

ok...so today was day 1 of my vegan diet...and it didnt start out too great but it ended with a bang. basically i went into work at kneaders and of course they had a new deelish bread...pumpkin bread. kill me now! i tried some because they said i had to sample it and then i realized that it was totally against my diet. so then when i came home i totally ate nothing but salad corna dn olives...i am determined to lose the weight i need to! look out world.! im gonna have a hot body and you cant stop me, nor you pumpkin bread, or you crzy deelish cinnamon rolls....i will not be tamed!!!

this thing called OBESITY

so while reading the book Eat to Live, i found out that i am medically obese. well thats one thing i thought i would never hear myself say, but according to the book its true. so here is what i am going to do about it!! i am going to do the weight loss challenge in Eat to Live, so that when my older brother Brandon steps of the plane dramatically reentering our lives i will be a slender but bo-dacisously so, 125 LBS....which means i technically have to lose about 30 pounds.....thats is not an unreal goal! i feel and i know that i can doit, i just have to put my whole head into it! so starting tomorrow August 31 i am going vegan. thats righ tyou heard it! vegan!!! chances are i will have a scrambled egg or some boiled chicken in my salad occasionally, but i am going to be mostly vegan! no dairy products whatsoever!!! i can do it! forget about the fact that i work in a bakery or that i love dairy! cuz i would love more being 125 pounds. along with this new vegan diet i am going to have a strict excersise program, where i have to do at least 30 minutes of strenuous excersise every day (excluding sunday of course) whether it be yoga or a run through the streets of provo i will succeed!! you will see! plus the fact that this is a competiton between most of the members of my family, oh i will win the challenge though! no worries!! there is a before picture of me here and when i have dropped my excess 30 lbs off the side of a cliff you will see an after picture!!! HOT BODY HERE I COME!!!

trippin....on love for ohio...part 1~

ok so here it is...the journey as some would call it!! day one of the big road trip to OHIO... can 'you tell that i was a happy girl! no work, no responsibility, no worries for 7 whole days!! hot dog i was ridin high...high on life that is!!!so we left provo at 3:30am sunday the 1st day of august. little did i know that this would be the first day of the rest of my life....bahah oh what a great day. a day that will forever live in my memory! not only was this my longest trip ever experienced in a car, with no a/c , but it just was proof that i do what i want when i want. take that peeps that hate!! so like i said, NO A/C...for 28 hours int he car we relied heavily on the wind that rushed through the windows as we raced down the highway at high speeds...too bad that come 12 noon this wind became more like a soggy breath of stale air...thanks alot humidity...i will forever hate you!! oh well the drive was quite enjoyable...kitara...that gorgeous and mazing driver lady that i know from some place called rexburg...was such a trooper...she drove most of the way and didnt complain one little bit...even when i took my pants off...she just smiled and kept her eyes on the road...they didnt wander...bahah...oh life.!! anyway we had some in depth discussions on the importance of marriage and all that it entails...we also discussed the joys of life...a/c, hot boys, food. the thing that bothered me sooooo much though was that i wanted to catch every state sign that we saw....but i never got one...after crossing through 6 states i only got the corner of the sign for Missouri...and i was soo mad that i just gave up and threw my camera into my bag. talk about a friend letting you down...thanks alot camera. upon arrival at Jamie Junes house in Independence MO, where we spent the night, i realized that missouri is dang gorgeous with all that green and stuff, but dang girl it was soooo hot there. over 70% humidity at night and during the day even worse and hotter even....so gross...thank goodness i will never live there....well until the second coming...but we wont go into that right now. tat is a blog topic for another time. anyway when i saw jamies gorgeous face peering through her living room window and her gorgeous Idaho girl figure running towards me in the pale moon light i began to scream and didnt stop until the hug sesh was over.....and it lasted quite a while. cuz jamie and i hugged then jamie hugged kitara then we all hugged eachother and the hwole hile we were all screaming....baha im sure the neighbors hated us. subject change for 2 seconds....the grossest thing ever...succadas....a nasty bug that inhabits much of the central states that is so loud and creepy that i could barely walk out side..i was that creeped out....anyway jamie was gorgeous and i had not seen her in forever...since before christmas...way too long and kitara was missin her too so the reuinion was something to be recorded into the logs of our history together as roomies and pretty much sisters!! we were given a quick tour of the sheppard residence then we proceeded in giving eachother our birthday presents...oh the joy that i had when jamie opened the present that i gave her. a scrapbook that i made with my own hands...a scrapbook of our lives together up t o this point in our lives. i was given a great pair of earings as well as a sweet scarf and kitara was given a sweet set of nail polishes in exquisite colors and shades. there is a pic of it up there somewhere. amazing is it not....ok so this is part on of tript o ohio...i will comesnce with part 2 tomorrow when ihave regained my strength....oh the joy that comes from letting it all out in blogging!!!

late...

briannas plane came in at 11:35...it is now 1:30....she is late coming home and for the first time in her adult life doesnt have a stupid cell phone so i can make sure she is alright....curses!!!

20 years old....need i say more?

OK so i turned 20 this month and so much stuff has happened already in my 20th year that i just feel so grown up and adult like. Day one of age 20...aka my birthday...the only good thing about it was the flowers i got from my brosky colin and the upbeat attitude of my father all day long. lets not forget to mention the fact that Kevin(aka pecks of justice) gave me an entire plateful of cookies and i ran into one of my old EFY counselors who said i looked "really good, i mean really good!" yeah he looked exactly the same. AND of course all the calls from my home girls, which pretty much made the day bearable....thanks girls!!! (jamie, alyssa, sierra, kitara, michelle....you know who you are!) and even though my new dress ripped, my camera broke, and some people said mean things to me...i think that my next brithday will most definitely be a step forward into happier and more joyful celebrating times.

Anyways so that was day one....day 9...lost my wallet in the most ghetto part of Salt Lake City. Needless to say the second i realized it was missing i made calls to the bank to shut out all my accounts, then to the police to report the 'incident', then to Dennys...the last place i saw it. yeah ill never see that wallet again. So today day 11 of age 20 i stood in line like a responsible adult and got a duplicate drivers license...i made sure not to smile in the new picture because i want to remember this experience....now it is forever in my life, on my file. then i forged on over to the bank and kicked butts and took names....closing accounts and terrorizing bank clerks...the main guy Billy was actually very nice! hahah

all the while i have realized that at age 20 i have finished only 1 1/2 years of college. i work a dead end job that makes me miserable on most days, i live paycheck to paycheck with little hope of that changing, and i am currently single. though after a date i had a day or so ago i find that to be a huge blessing in my life. some people.....not me of course...but some people just shouldnt be with other people. and this poor guy who i went on a date with is definitely not the one for me, but i couldnt say 'no' to his querry 'will you go out with me again' i wish when it came to men i had a backbone of steele....well i guess that i kind of do, but when it comes to rejecting them i dont want ot hurt them so i dont say no...bad choice. just reject them sista!!! oh well...such is life.

on to good news though~~!!!! not only am i traveling to the land of Kitara, Katrina, Elder Cardenaz, and GLEE, but i am also moving in with my bestest friend in the whole world this fall and i cant wait!!!! its going to be so great!!! BYUI without the I!!!! hahahahah anyway im going to send this out into the cosmic void so i can go to bed. good night dear void!!!

birthday part 1

its best to have low expectations for days that you are really looking forward to cuz then you wont be disappointed, unless they are just crappy all around. i feel like i have just been dreading this day for the past month, just because im aging and i feel like my life is going nowhere and this is just proof that gosh darn it, im alone and on my own. which is alright, but not the way i thought my life was gonna be when i was younger. but i hate having low expectations...i feel that i should look at life with the glass half full perspective instead of the glass half empty. i think that would be a more worthwhile way to live my life. welp here goes nothing...i am going to think positive thoughts all day long no matter what happens!!! i love life and satan, the jerk wad, will not ruin this day for me!

ps the pic is me last year....exactly one year ago....on my birthday. i miss those times soooo much! i miss my roomies who woke up with me and couldnt wait to see me open my presents. i miss actually being happy about what i was doing with my life, and i miss the fact that i had the gall to wear this hideous, yet fantastically terrifically outrageous outfit, out in public!!!

blessings

my car,my job, my apartment, my family, my friends, the constant reminder that i am loved, my paychecks, shoes, brothers that serve missions then come home and become my best friend. co workers that are super duper, the church, the gospel, temples, my temple recommend, the opportunity i have to take the sacrament every week, groceries, giving to others, complete unselfish service, visiting teaching, excercise, music, pillows, the PRIESTHOOD, best friends (sierra, twinners, james, alysia, michelle my belle, trace my face, victoria) amazing sisters who listen to me vent like everynight, zumba, zebra striped shoes, victorias secret, good gas milage, grandparents willing to travel across the country to be with you on your birthday, music, family. (i know im repeating some, but i am super grateful for those blessings) Old church leaders who shaped me into who i am right now spiritually, parents that have taught me the value of money and hard work, flowers, sunshine, mountains and lakes, short gusts of wind when your sweating. cameras that catch the best moments in life. cell phones that keep you connected to loved ones. THE POWER OF PRAYER. the men who lead the church, missionaries. COLOR. roommates that have apartment prayers with you. hospital milkshakes, long bubble baths, long hot showers, back scrubbers, flowery smelling shampoo, memories. education, travel, books, journals, cell phones, computers, internet, FACEBOOK!!! :) roomies who let me vent on them for hours at a time! love it!!!

why are you still here with me?

didnt you see what ive done? in my shame i want to run...and hide my self...but its here i see the truth. i dont deserve you! but i need you to love me. and i wont keep my heart from you this time, and ill stop this pretending that i can somehow deserve what i already have. i need you to love me. i, i have wasted so much time, pushing you away from me. i just never saw how you could cherish me, cuz your a God who has all things...and still you want me. and i need you to love me and i wont keep my heart from you this time. and ill stop this pretending that i can somehow deserve what i already have. your love makes me forget what i have done, your love makes me see who i really am. your love makes me forget what i have been like, and i need you to love me. and ill stop this pretending that i can somehow deserve what i already have. i need you to love me.

-Barlow Girl

yeah...need i say more?

ALONE at age 20....provo what have you done to me?!?!?!

Ok sooooo growing up i always thought that by the time i turned 18 i would get married to a tall dark and handsome man, who i would meet right after my high school graduation. He would whisk me away on his white horse and we would ride off into the sunset, then magically a year later we would have a bouncing baby boy with curly brown hair and electric blue eyes, and i would be suffering but so happy from my little family that i could burst with pure joy. Thats what i pictured when i thought about my future. Little did i know that in all reality i would grow to become 20 years old without even a boyfriend to keep me warm on cold winter nights. its not like i have never had a relation ship, i totally have, but that relationship didnt last longer that 1 week and that happened over 3 years ago. i know how pathetic right. thats what you must be thinking but as i sit here and think about it i dont find it pathetic at all. sure i dont have much experience in the form of "boy knowledge" but i am happily ignorant of what im missing out on. and to tell you and the rest of the world the truth i would rather live in ignorance than in remorse knowing that i spent time with someone who i knew was wrong for me. so thats my little rant on that.

When i think about my life i realize that to the rest of the world i am a very young very naive 20 year old who has her whole life ahead of her to explore and to travel and to meet people and maybe by the age of 30 to get married and start a family. But here in provo i might as well be a grandmother...the fact that i dont have a boyfriend and that i have no future prospects for marriage makes me out to be a single, sorry little excuse of a mormon girl. well thanks a lot provo for making this birthday make me feel like crap. hence the picture above...my overall fear of turning 20 and being single...retarded i know but its the way this place makes me feel.